Have you ever had that gut feeling that you’re an option, not a priority in your romantic relationship? Have you felt like you just need someone to check with, to make sure that you’re not just over reacting or over-sensitive? Has this person suggested to you (even told you) that you’re reading too much into things or being too dramatic? Or perhaps this is just how you feel about it when you’re alone, in your quiet moments? Below, you’ll find a list of 15 objective indications that “it’s not just you” and in fact, it might just be them.
It’s not an easy thing to come to grips with and many people tend to ignore the signs that they are not a priority by rationalizing them away. It’s true that some of these signs can be rationalized, but when a significant other is presenting with more than a few, it may be time to reassess whether the relationship is something that is giving you energy and making you happy and valued, or whether it needs reassessing.
Here are fifteen signs that you’re an option in a relationship, not a priority:
1. The other person never wants to make plans in advance.
2. You make all the concessions in the relationship– if it can be called a relationship.
3. It feels like you’re always waiting on them, but they never wait on you– if you ask them to wait, they bail.
4. They are seeing other people and make it known that you are not the only one– or even the most important one.
5. All of your interaction happens behind closed doors: there are never date nights or outings.
6. When you get fed up, they reel you back in with sweet words and everything you want to hear, but then quickly return to old behaviors.
7. Your calls, texts, emails, Facebook messages, SnapChats, and so on all go unanswered. In this day and age, almost everyone is constantly attached to their phone– you know they saw it and chose not to respond.
8. You feel taken advantage of. This is important, because intuition is often correct, and when it feels like someone doesn’t care, it is because they are not expending the effort to show you that they care.
9. There are always excuses regarding why you can’t be together: if someone wants a relationship with you, they’ll find a way. Excuses mean a lack of investment and often a lack of mutual interest.
10. They never seem to show any interest in your life or the things that you do on a daily basis. When you do talk about things, they tend not to remember.
11. You catch them lying to you about seemingly insignificant things. It’s rare that these things are actually insignificant– more often than not, they are quite significant.
12. You feel like they’re bored when they’re around you.
13. They act secretive and suspicious, like they’re constantly hiding something.
14. They have no understanding about things that are important to you, and often miss big events for their own plans, sometimes canceling at the last minute.
15. The person makes you feel bad, depressed, or unhappy more than they make you feel happy.
Everyone makes mistakes in relationships, but learning how to see when it is time to let go because of a lack of mutuality is an important life lesson to learn. These signs– especially when more than three or four are present– are good red flags that indicate when it might be time to let the relationship go.