The very definition of cougar relationships suggests that they are short term in nature and are more about the “benefits” than actually nurturing a relationship between a younger man and an older woman. Indeed, labeling an older women above the age of 40 who dates a younger man as a “cougar” carries with it the very idea of someone skilled in the art of seduction stalking and taking its “prey”.
The current trend shows that more and more of these types of liasons are turning into longer term relationships often resulting in permanent situations and even marriage. There are however, some factors that contribute to a prolonged cougar relationship:
1. The Guy Thing
There are basically three factors that attract younger men to a mature woman:
- The primary attraction for younger men in seeing an older woman is that there are more often than not no strings attached. This gives them the space to enjoy themselves without having to be worried about getting tied down.
- Men also enjoy the experience and knowledge that a more mature women can give them in bed. They don’t need to feel the pressure of being the one to initiate sex or to take control in all their sexual encounters. The sexual part of the relationship is often the most important to the young man.
- Money is the third most attractive factor of being involved with an older woman. She often takes care of all the financial costs involved with the relationship and may go as far as paying living and other expenses for the young buck.
If cougar relationships are built on any of these three factors, they are less likely to last.
However, men who prefer to date older women because they do not see eye to eye with women their own age are more likely to enter into a long term relationship. Younger women are notoriously less confident, more insecure and lack the maturity that a relationship with an older person can give a man.
These men are more likely to invest themselves fully in the relationship and are looking for intimacy, commitment and even and love over and above the three basic factors mentioned above.
2. The Cougar Woman
The three factors that draw older women to younger men include:
- The main attraction for cougars is that younger men are simply better looking and in greater physical condition than their older compatriots.
- Older women looking for younger men are often doing so in order to recapture a piece of their youth. Women over the age of 40 traditionally got married at a young age and had children very quickly. This means that they did not get the time to experience dating or the intimate pleasures of being in a superficial relationship with a man when they were young.
- Hormonal changes in a mature women means that they desire more sex, more often and for longer due to a rise in testosterone. Mature men cannot always fulfill this criteria in the same way a young man can. Older women are also more confident in bed and enjoy teaching a young guy how to pleasure a women, in particular, herself.
Women who are only looking for a good time are less likely to want a commitment from a younger man.
However, a more stable relationship can begin to form if the younger man can fulfill the other needs of a cougar woman in a relationship. The younger man needs to:
- Be able to communicate and relate on an intellectual level similar or equal to that of the woman.
- Behave in a mature manner around her, her friends and family members.
- Understand her needs for intimacy over and above her sexual requirements. Intimacy is not the same as sex.
- Be able to become her friend, confidante and trusted lover.
So can cougar relationships last?
Although the trend seems to show that more and more cougar relationships are lasting longer, this could simply be due to the fact that it is becoming more socially acceptable resulting in a greater number of older women and younger men venturing into this territory.
Commitment and a lasting relationship is still based on some of the same or similar factors that would affect same age couples or other types of partnerships. At the end of the day, the foundation and the building blocks of the relationship will determine the sustainability.